I was journaling on the way home from class... and a lot of familiar thoughts kept coming up. Like I'm very aware that I need to produce more... be willing to take more risks and give myself permission to fail, but I know need to go about it in a different way than I have in the past. Because usually I feel the fear and the anxiety, I choose a direction, and half-way pursue it... the fear turns to apathy and I get side-tracked... and then I feel bad, because I haven't accomplished anything... Let's be frank... my attempts at self-discipline and goal setting haven't been very fruitful... so, i really want to be intentional about setting up a system that works for me...
what would that look like? feel like? provide you with?
it would look and feel freeing... it would feel gentle, like no guilt trips and bad feelings, insecurity, etc... it would feel like purposeful and pleasurable... it would have a sense of certainty about it... and most importantly, it would result in finished work that would bring us closer to the goals... it would provide me with a system i could lean on, something that felt supportive instead of destructive...
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